I Can’t Let Go of My Teen’s Past

Take 30 seconds to notice how you feel when you think: “fresh start.” You may have felt: lightness, hope, joy, breathless expectation, excitement, redemption. Fresh starts speak to our spiritual core, reminding us of who we really are and who we want to become.

What’s great about a fresh start in Christ is the promise that the old habits and thought patterns can die making room for the new:   So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 CORINTHIANS 5:16-17

Last Friday during my son’s college orientation, I felt his hope, excitement and anticipation of a “fresh start” as he and I walked around Mercer College. What I also felt was my fear and worry as I struggled with memories of his past decisions and behavior. On the way home, I wanted to bring the old stuff into the new excitement to help create his new chapter and then I remembered this story:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her. The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing. They both were walking and senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and enquired “Is something the matter, you seem very upset?” The junior monk replied, “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?” The senior monk replied, “I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still.”

How easy it is for us as parents to be like the junior monk carrying around our judgments  and fears making us and our teens  miserable by buying into the faulty belief  that the “old” cannot become new.  Our teens want to be like the old monk with a mind free from a shameful past and open to creating a new chapter in their life.   Our teens can make that exchange of old for the new by not being reminded of their past mistakes and by  1) admitting that they cannot make the change without Christ and 2) asking God for the exchange He offered in Christ.

MONDAY’S PRAYER
Dear Father God,
I have seen my teen stumble and fall short and I pray that my teen ask for the exchange that You offer in Christ.   Fill _____________ up with Christ and wash him/her clean.  Help him/her to live out their life from the fresh start You give to your sons and daughters.

Weekly Theme: Heartfelt Gratitude

Little did I realize that my first “lively discussion” of the summer with my high school graduate would not be over curfew (thank the Lord for that), but would be over Thank You notes!  Would someone please let me know that they too have a teen that argues over the value, wisdom and necessity of sending a Thank You note?

This entire discussion was fueled not only by his reluctance to write the notes and then by his poor first round attempt of writing them, but by the heartfelt notes we received from his friends.   Here is an excerpt from two outstanding notes: (in case you want a sample for your child):

Thank you for the ____________.  Those were such an ingenious idea! Thanks as well for the great memories I had at your house growing up.  Sorry if me and your son were ever a handful. (Why not throw in a request for forgiveness; loved it!)

Thank you so much for the ___________.  It’s so cute and seriously one of my favorite gifts!  You guys mean so much to me and you always make me feel so welcome. (wow, that went straight to our hearts)

Writing thank you notes is less about the proper construction of a note than it is about having a heart of gratitude.  I can easily teach my child how to write proper thank you notes,  but frankly I need some major help when it comes to growing a heart of gratitude.  This is a mission I do not want to fail in because 1) we are commanded to live from our hearts:
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy might. DEUTERONOMY 6:5

AND 2) to show gratitude:

Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the people. Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him, talk ye of all his wondrous works. Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD.  1 CHRONICLES 16:8-10

I think our greater need as parents is not for more  proof regarding the power of gratitude but  for  powerful prayers that will help our teen(s) develop and express a heart of gratitude for God, first and foremost, and then for all of the blessings, experiences, people, and things in their lives.

PRAYERS FOR A HEART OF GRATITUDE
Help __________ to know that “the earth and everything in it belong to You. ” (1 Corinthians 10:26) Give him/her the grateful heart for all of this and the wisdom to use the things of which You have given temporary custody to further Your kingdom.

Show ___________ that “all these blessings will come down upon you and spread out beyond you because s/he has responded to the Voice of God, your God DEUTERONOMY 28:2 THE MESSAGE and prepare his/her heart for gratitude.

Weekly Theme: Freedom

Do you feel at times  like your mind, heart and spirit are under  attack? Are you subject to a steady barrage of thoughts that include self-doubt, shame, self-criticism, unworthiness, worry and fear?  Symptoms of being under attack look like: irritability, inertia, depression, pessimistic thinking, angry outbursts and addictive behaviors.

When we choose to fight this battle alone the results can be disastrous. We can say and do things that we regret. We play small in our lives. We don’t set goals. We live in fear. We live reactively. We don’t see the connection between our thoughts and emotions. We think that we cannot have the full life that God promised. We don’t allow God to transform our hearts. We turn off our hearts and live mostly from our minds rather than become a lover of life, God and others.

I’m sorry for being a “Debbie Downer,”  but I’m trying to make the point that this is also what our teens face – on a pretty regular basis. Do they have the resolve to banish the living hell that they may have created or succumbed to in this battle for their hearts and minds? I have seen all three of my children (ages 21, 20 and 18) at some time or another, become a victim to “stinkin’ thinkin.”  At times, it terrifies me to watch the struggle going on for their mind and heart.

A great metaphor for this struggle is found in the Native American legend of the two wolves which can be found at: http://www.egodialogues.com.

This war cannot and should not be fought alone as the forces of destruction are too pervasive and strong.  Plus, we have been assured of God’s mighty power working on our behalf: “If God is for us, who can be against us?”  ROMANS 8:31   When we put our trust in the Lord, we find victory and freedom:  ” The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”  2 CORINTHIANS 3:17

Let’s pray for freedom for our teens.  True freedom from the emotional, spiritual and mental prisons that only our God, who is might to save, can offer.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday’s Prayers
Give ________________ the heart and the mind to see that though “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, You have come so that s/he would have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) and to seek out the Spirit for there lies freedom.

Thursday’s Prayer

Cause ___________ to love even her enemies, doing good to them without expecting to get anything back.  Let him obey your command to be merciful, just as you, Lord, are merciful.
LUKE 6:35-36

Wednesday’s Prayer

Do not allow ____________ to repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but show him how to respond to these offenses with blessings, that he might receive the reward and the inheritance that you have for him.  1 PETER 3:9

TUESDAY’S PRAYER

Remove any trace of a veil from ____________’s eyes.  Take the blinders off of her mind – wherever she is prone to unbelief – so that she might understand the gospel and see the light of your glory.
2 CORINTHIANS 4:3-6

Weekly Theme: Building Character

Thousands of people gathered yesterday to send their Georgia Tech graduate upward and onward.  We were one of the proud families sitting in the stands at Alexander Memorial Coliseum to help celebrate our daughter’s accomplishment. Though several speakers described the value of having a GA Tech degree in today’s challenging environment,  I couldn’t help but wonder if our daughter had also built the kind of character that would make her truly successful.

Let me explain what I mean by truly successful.   We certainly have our external successes which include accomplishments, degrees, awards,  income, and things acquired.   Then we have our internal success which is measured by our character, the way we are in the world (not what we do).  This kind of success is reflected when you embody the qualities of Christ in all that you do.   This kind of success happens more easily when you use your God-given talents, your core values and your life experiences to live a purposeful life that impacts others.

The Bible offers this foundational advice for our college grads who are about to enter the world:

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. . . . Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2 MSG)

Building character requires a constant God-centered focus and discipline of  one’s thoughts and actions.  This takes time and diligence and Paul said, “This will continue until we are . . . mature, just as Christ is, and we will be completely like him.” (Ephesians 4:13 CEV).

No matter what stage of life’s preparation your child is in at this time,  let us pray that God brings out their very best and forms their character to resemble His Son,  Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

MONDAY’S PRAYER
Cause____________ to become great in your sight.  Let him be a leader who serves, someone whose idea of being “first” is to become a slave to others.  Show him how to follow the example of Jesus, who came not to be served, but to serve.
MATTHEW 20:26-28

Friday’s Prayer

As you do immeasurably more than all we could ever ask or imagine in ________________’s life, let our entire family remember to give You the glory, for ever and ever.  Ephesians 3:20-21

Thursday’s Prayer

When ___________fnds him/herself sad and discouraged cause ____________ to put hope in You and to remember your kindness.  Pour out on him/her your unfailing love throughout each day and at night fill ____________’s heart with your life-giving songs.  Psalm 42:3-8

Wednesday’s Prayer

I pray that out of your glorious riches you will strengthen ____________with power through your Spirit in his/her inner being.  Ephesians 3:16